Recently I had an experience that gave me pause.

When I reflected on it, I was struck by how close I had been to choosing isolation again, how my instinct was still to power through when everything in me was asking – begging – me to reach out for help. It’s crazy that we spend so much of our lives pretending we’re made of steel, when in truth, we are stitched together by moments where someone else’s voice steadies us, reminds us we’re human, reminds us we’re loved even though we might feel broken, reminds us that everything is going to be fine.

That experience was a much-needed reminder that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is say, I need help. And sometimes the most healing thing is realizing that help is already waiting…you just have to let it in.

I believe that there is a quiet power in interdependence, the kind of power born when we stop pretending that we’re self-sufficient islands and admit how deeply we need one another. We are made to lean into each other, not because we are weak, but because collaboration, connection, and vulnerability are woven into the very fabric of who we are. For me, this is what it means to be human.

We live in a world that glorifies rugged individualism, where doing it all alone becomes a badge of honor. But that story is incomplete and unnecessary. When we isolate ourselves, we deprive not only ourselves but those around us of the sacred gift of shared struggle, shared joy, and shared purpose. To truly live, we must turn toward each other, not away.

When we accept our vulnerability, when we allow ourselves to be seen in our mess, our fears, our longings, we unleash something beautiful. That admission is never weakness. It’s courage. It’s a recognition that no one has to walk this journey alone. Our cracks, our uncertainties, our mistakes, they are not defects. They are openings, places where others can reach in and touch us, where empathy can flow, and where healing begins.

Very often, I think about my parents who sometimes had to lean on family and friends to raise us, and about my friends who patiently stay on the phone, listening to me, holding space without judgement. These are not incidental moments; they are profound reminders that we are stronger together. When we trust someone enough to share our burden, we give them the opportunity to do exactly what they were made to do, which is to support, lift and encourage us.

We were never meant to go it alone. Our greatest achievements, our most meaningful growth, come when we build together. It takes two hands, ten fingers, many hearts. We were not made to hoard our lives like treasure on an island. We were made to pass it around, to build bridges, to lean in.

In interdependence, we find belonging. In leaning on others, we find purpose. In trusting in our real, messy selves, we find grace. For those who seek it, there is redemption in authentic human connection. When we let people in, not just to our successes but to our doubts and disappointments, we invite the kind of love that changes us, sustains us, refines us.

So, discard the lie that you must go it alone. You don’t have to carry everything. Your struggle is not a burden to hide, but a gift to share. Let others support you, and let yourself support them. Ask for help. Offer help. Build something together. Because when we lean into our shared humanity, when we stop denying how much we need each other, we tap into a greater strength than any of us can summon on our own.

Embrace that interdependence. Let it shape how you live. Let it heal how you love. And let it remind you every single day that you are never alone in this journey called life.

In this episode, the bots discuss how modern society's emphasis on instant gratification, fuelled by dopamine release, leads to unhappiness. They agree with me proposing a "dopamine detox" not as deprivation, but as a recalibration of attention, focusing on delayed gratification and mindful engagement with life's simpler pleasures. This involves consciously choosing meaningful activities over quick fixes, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling and intentional life. The bots also agree with me that true happiness is not a destination but a cultivated practice.

Overall, I think the bots stayed faithful to the original blog post, but I will advise you to be mindful of the fact that they can make things up. If something sounds unbelievable, it probably is.

This is part of my ongoing experiment with AI, so please engage with a healthy dose of skepticism.

AI systems have become so good that I feel quite comfortable listening to them talk about different things. On one occasion, I pointed them to a blog post I wrote, and I must say that I was quite impressed at how they approached the conversation - a blend of thought-provoking discourse, touch of humor, moments of profound insight and unforgettable takeaways.

Wow! Yes, I was that impressed.

In fact, so impressed that I decided to start a podcast about AI bots talking about things…because why not? I’m calling the podcast AI Does Some Deep Dive. I point some AI agents to a blog post of mine, or some materials I find interesting, or simply give them a topic, and off they go. They will chat and debate about it, and hopefully you will find it interesting. Or not, quite frankly.

To be honest, it’s not that you need yet another podcast. But who knows, this one could be quite different. So in case you’re still wondering whether or not this might be for you, here is my pitch:

Ever wondered what happens when two AI agents sit down for a conversation? Well, the AI Does Some Deep Dive podcast brings you a lively, enlightening and sometimes hilarious dialogue between two digital minds (hahaha) as they tackle everything from philosophy to pop culture and ethics. With wit, depth and a tad bit of humor, these guys (that may or may not take our jobs soon) unpack big ideas, share unexpected insights and debate the complexities of the human experience - all while exploring their own “artificial” perspectives. So hit the subscribe button and join us on a journey that is as thought-provoking as it is entertaining, one where intelligence meets imagination in every byte.

Are you sold yet? If you’re not, that’s very OK because neither am I. At least not yet. This is all experimental for me, and perhaps just like you I’m curious to see how this mini-project goes.

Anyways, in the mean time, enjoy the first episode of this podcast where AI agents chat about my blog post on finding one’s purpose. I think once you get past the cringe-worthy way they pronounce my name, the rest of it isn’t that bad. But I’ll let you decide for yourself.

PS: Should I give these AI bots a name? Let me know

It’s possible that the thing you’re chasing isn’t the thing you truly want.

We live in a world that celebrates urgency. Notifications light up our phones, endless scrolls promise connection, and one-click purchases deliver instant satisfaction. Everything around us is engineered to say, This is it. This will make you happy. Go now. And so we do. We go, we click, we swipe, and we consume. We refresh again and again, our minds feverishly inquiring, Who viewed my post? How many likes did my post get? How many followers? How many subscribers? But when the rush fades—and it always does—we are left with a quiet, persistent emptiness. It whispers to us in the still moments when we are alone, asking questions we don’t know how to answer. Why doesn’t this feel like enough? Why do I feel so restless, so disconnected?

The answer is complex but also profoundly simple: the happiness we seek isn’t found in the ephemeral things we chase. It’s not in the instant rewards or the fleeting highs. It’s in the spaces we have forgotten to nurture—the quiet places where meaning lives, where purpose waits to be discovered, and where joy blooms slowly, patiently. To reach these spaces, we must learn to stop running.

At the heart of this struggle lies that tiny yet powerful molecule—dopamine. It’s often called the “pleasure hormone,” but that’s not quite right. Dopamine doesn’t reward us with satisfaction; it fuels our desire. It’s the spark behind our cravings, the drive that keeps us reaching for more. It’s the thrill of anticipation, not the fulfillment itself. And here’s the really funny thing: dopamine doesn’t care if the reward is meaningful. It’s just as happy to give you a hit from an Instagram like as it is from achieving a life-altering goal.

But the endless chase comes at a cost. Our brains are designed for balance, and when dopamine is constantly overstimulated, the balance tips. The things that once brought joy—simple things like reading a book, taking a walk, or sharing a quiet moment with someone we love—start to feel dull. They can’t compete with the constant flood of easy, manufactured thrills. Over time, we lose the ability to appreciate life’s subtleties. We become restless, bored, and perpetually unsatisfied, even though we may not realize it.

This is where the idea of a dopamine detox becomes important—not as a gimmick or a fleeting trend, but as a profound act of reclaiming yourself. A dopamine detox isn’t about deprivation; it’s about recalibration. It’s a deliberate pause, a conscious stepping away from the noise so that you can hear your own thoughts again. It’s about breaking the cycle of instant gratification to make space for something deeper, something real and more meaningful.

To detox is to stop numbing yourself with the quick fixes and confront the silence you’ve been avoiding. Ofcourse it is not easy. Stillness can be uncomfortable, even painful. When we strip away the distractions, we’re left with ourselves—our fears, our doubts, our unmet longings. But in that raw space, something extraordinary begins to happen. We start to notice. We start to feel. And in the noticing, in the feeling, we begin to uncover what truly matters.

Delaying gratification is an act of faith, one that runs counter to everything the modern world tells us. It asks us to believe that the waiting is worth it, that the effort will yield something meaningful. Think of the patience it takes to nurture a garden. You plant seeds in barren soil, not knowing if they will take root. You water them, tend to them, and wait. The first sprouts are small, fragile, and unremarkable. But with time and care, they grow into something vibrant, something alive. This is how joy works. It cannot be rushed. It must be cultivated.

Happiness, the kind that sustains us, is not found in the frantic pursuit of fleeting pleasures. It is found in the quiet moments of alignment—when our actions reflect our values, when our attention is fully present, when our lives are guided by something larger than ourselves. Happiness isn’t something we acquire; it’s something we create by living with intention.

But intention requires attention, and attention is the most precious resource we have. Every day, we are pulled in a thousand directions, our focus scattered by demands that feel urgent but are rarely important. Social media, endless notifications, the pressure to always be “on”—these things rob us of the ability to be present. They rob us of the ability to truly live.

To reclaim your attention is to reclaim your life. This doesn’t mean renouncing the modern world or rejecting all its conveniences. It means choosing, moment by moment, where to direct your focus. It means asking yourself hard questions: Is this activity feeding me or numbing me? Am I pursuing something meaningful or avoiding something uncomfortable? What am I giving my time to, and is it worth the cost?

When you begin to direct your attention with intention, something shifts. Life slows down, but it doesn’t become dull. Instead it becomes rich. The simple act of preparing a meal, of listening to a friend, of sitting quietly and watching the world go by—these moments become vivid, alive.

A dopamine detox isn’t about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about small, deliberate changes—turning off your phone for an hour, spending a day without social media, choosing to read or play with the kids instead of binge-watching a show, working on something that fills you with a sense of purpose and meaning. These choices may feel insignificant, but they are acts of rebellion in a culture that thrives on your distraction.

And as you make these choices, as you step away from the noise, you’ll find something unexpected: the happiness you’ve been chasing isn’t outside you. It’s within. It was there all along, waiting for you to notice.

The world will not stop clamouring for your attention. It will not stop offering you quick fixes and empty promises. But you have the power to choose. You can stop running. You can turn inward. You can recalibrate, realign, and rebuild a life that feels whole.

Happiness isn’t a destination. It’s a practice. A way of being. And it begins here, now, with the choices you make today.

Pause for a moment and ask yourself “What am I living for?”

Yes, what are you living for?  When you strip away the routines, the distractions, the pressures; when everything is quiet and all you’re left with is the echo of your own heartbeat, what do you feel? What purpose stirs you enough to make this short, fragile life worth everything you have to give?

If you’ve grappled with this question before, congratulations you’re human. And if you’ve ever avoided this question, be rest assured you’re in good company.

We’ve all been there. I used to have a serious allergic reaction anytime I faced the prospect of answering this question. It felt too big, too intense, as if it would sweep me up into its vastness and leave me stranded in the unknown. But there’s something inescapably raw about this question, something that demands to be answered if we’re ever to live fully. I know you feel it too — the longing to understand why you’re here and what, if anything, your life is meant to mean. Because without that sense of purpose, life can feel like wandering through a dense fog, following paths without truly seeing where they lead.

Finding purpose starts in a place many of us avoid: a deep, honest self-reflection. To face ourselves honestly is one of the most courageous things we can do, because it means peeling back the layers of who we think we are—the roles we play, the expectations we’ve absorbed, and perhaps the ideas others have projected onto us. It means looking into the mirror and asking, “What do I value? What fills me with a quiet sense of joy? What do I want to leave behind in this world?”

I invite you to take a moment to really think about it. Who are you when no one is watching? This isn’t a question of what you’re good at or what you’re told you should be or do. It’s about that inner light that glows brightest, the fire deep inside you that burns fervently when you’re doing something that feels profoundly right for you.

We all have unique strengths and passions, things that bring us to life in ways nothing else can. But they’re buried, often obscured by the noise of what society, family, or even our own fears tell us we should be doing. Purpose begins with the commitment to explore these hidden parts of ourselves, to be brave enough to ask, “What do I love? What drives me? What sets my soul on fire? Where do my natural talents lead me?”

I feel purpose – that defining sense of meaning and significance - is rarely about ourselves alone. It’s about stepping beyond our own wants and needs to contribute something meaningful, something that connects us to a larger whole. It might be found in the work we do, in the people we love, in a cause we believe in. Whatever form it takes, I think purpose often arises when we give of ourselves to something greater.

Think about the moments that have filled you with a sense of awe, when you felt connected to something beyond yourself. Perhaps it was a moment of kindness, a moment of creation, a moment when you felt that your life was adding something of value to the world. Those are the uncanny places where purpose tends to hide – those spaces where our lives intersect with the lives of others in a way that leaves a positive mark. It’s those places where we contribute a piece of ourselves to something that endures, something that matters.

To find our purpose in life, we must overcome fear and self-doubt. But if you’ve ever tried to do so, you know it’s not easy. That is why we must find the courage to silence the voice inside all of us that whispers, “Who are you to dream this big? What if you fail? What if you’re not good enough?”

Of course we will fail sometimes. We will stumble. There will be days when the weight of self-doubt feels like a heavy stone, dragging you down. But purpose isn’t about perfection; it’s about persistence. It’s about being willing to walk through the fire of your fears, to embrace the discomfort of growth, and to keep going even when you’re not certain of the outcome.

One of the greatest acts of self-love is to silence those doubts, to choose courage over comfort, again and again. Purpose isn’t about waiting until you feel “ready” or “worthy.” It’s about showing up every day, despite the fears and despite the doubts, and believing that you are enough. Because you are. You are enough to make a difference, enough to leave a mark on this world, enough to pursue a life that feels truly yours.

But as we grow, so does our understanding of purpose. What might have felt deeply meaningful at one stage of life may shift as we gain new experiences and perspectives. And that’s okay. Purpose isn’t a destination; it’s a journey. It’s an ever-evolving compass, guiding us through different seasons of our lives.

Sometimes, we cling to a certain idea of purpose because we feel we must, even if it no longer resonates with who we are becoming. But part of the beauty of purpose is its flexibility. It can change. It can grow with you, and you can grow with it. You are allowed to let go of what no longer serves you, to shed old skins, and to discover new facets of what gives your life meaning.

It’s okay if you’re still finding your way. It’s okay if your purpose today isn’t the same as it was yesterday. Life is a series of transformations, and purpose shifts with us, moulding itself to the shape of who we are in this moment.

So, how do you find your purpose in life? Where do you begin? Here are some ideas that I believe might help you uncover the layers of who you are and what you’re meant to bring into this world.

1. What excites you? Make a list of things that bring you genuine joy, the kind of activities that make time slip away. Your passions often point toward your purpose.

2. When do you feel most at peace? Think about the moments in life when you’ve felt content and connected. These moments reveal what you value most.

3. What have you overcome? Sometimes, our greatest struggles contain the seeds of our purpose. How could your experiences, even the painful ones, be used to help others?

4. What do others thank you for? Purpose often resides in the ways we naturally contribute to those around us. Think about the things people admire in you or come to you for help with.

5. Imagine a life without limitations. If there were no restrictions—time, money, approval—what would you dedicate yourself to? If there were no boundaries, what would you dream about?

6. Reflect daily. Purpose is a living, breathing thing. Take a few minutes each day to journal or simply sit in silence, reflecting on where you feel called to go and grow.

Living with purpose is about more than personal success or achievement. It’s about knowing that each day, you’re contributing to something meaningful, something beyond yourself. There is a quiet fulfillment in this—a joy that doesn’t depend on recognition, money, or accolades. It’s a joy rooted in the knowledge that your life matters, that your actions ripple out into the world in ways you may never see, but that still make a difference.

And that’s what I want for you. I want you to feel that sense of fulfillment, that grounding in something real and deep. I want you to wake up with a sense of direction, to feel that your life isn’t just a series of days ticking by, but a journey with purpose and meaning.

So, take a deep breath. Allow yourself to wonder, to dream, to reach within and ask, “What am I here for?” Don’t rush the answer. Let it unfold, let it grow with you. Because somewhere within you, there’s a purpose waiting, a reason that makes all the fears and doubts and challenges worth it. You just need to find it.

Your life is a gift. And it’s up to you to find what makes that gift unique and share it with the world. Don’t let the days slip by without discovering what makes your heart beat a little faster, what brings a quiet joy into your soul, what lights the way when everything else feels dark.

You are here for a reason. And the world needs that reason, now more than ever. So, go ahead, find your purpose. Live it, with everything you have.

The Uber driver that picked me up seemed like a very nice man. When he asked me how my day was, his eyes beamed with excitement and the smile across his face was pleasant and re-assuring. I could tell his question was genuine, not mere niceties. I could also tell he was a middle-aged dad with kids probably just slightly older than mine. He carried himself graciously and cut the figure of someone well-practiced in genuinely listening to people and considering the effect his words had on them. He spoke softly and kindly, not as a mentor advising you on some important life issue, but as a childhood friend wondering if your parents might not be a little upset if you stayed out past your playtime.

“Quite busy”, I started, mentally preparing myself for what could end up becoming an entire conversation for the rest of the trip. I usually don’t like chatting much during Uber rides, but this time, I didn’t mind. “Thanks for asking. How was yours?”, I finished.

All good, he assured me. One of those days he had quite a number of rides. He recounted a conversation he had with a couple he drove to the airport, and how they dreamt of moving to Europe to live out their retirement when the time comes. We talked about many things - the weather, Canadian politics, the economy, coffee, football.

“And what do you do?”, he asked very gently. I gave a brief, vague description of my work. After all, I wasn’t going to provide any meaningful detail to a stranger, albeit a nice stranger.

“You know, back in my home country, I wanted to be a doctor”, he said.

“What happened?”, I asked, regretting the question instantly.

Pause. Heavy sigh filled with melancholy. Long pause.

“I don’t know”, he said quietly. “I really don’t know”.

We finished the remainder of the trip in silence.

I’ve thought about that conversation many times. As an immigrant myself, the sentiments he expressed resonated deeply with me. You pack your life in a couple suitcases, move half-way across the world to give your family a better life, your sacrifices momentarily relegated to the deep, dark chambers of your subconscious by the excitement of a new beginning, one full of hope and big dreams.

And then life happens, and you have to get “real”.

There’s a quiet grief that settles in when a dream dies. It doesn’t announce itself with loud sobs or desperate cries for help. It’s subtle, almost polite. It slips into your heart slowly, a dull ache you learn to live with. You push the dream aside, file it under “what could have been,” and tell yourself you’ll be fine without it.

I understand this very well because I too have wanted to be many things that I’m not today - at least not yet. I’ve dreamed about and yearned for possibilities that have not materialized. I’ve abandoned way too many aspirations than I could possibly count. And no, these are not childish fantasies. These are real desires, dreams and ambitions in my adult life that have died quietly and buried unceremoniously, though never truly forgotten.

Deep down, I know dreams never really die. They linger. They sit in the corners of your mind, in the places you don’t dare visit too often, reminding you of what once made your heart race. They whisper to you in the stillness of the night, when the world is quiet and all that’s left is you and your thoughts.

Maybe you too had a dream once. Maybe you let it slip through your fingers, not because you didn’t care enough, but because life got in the way. Maybe it felt too big, too out of reach, or maybe someone told you that you weren’t cut out for it. Maybe life happened and you had to get “real”. So, you let it go. You let it slip away, convincing yourself that you were being practical, that dreams are for other people, not for someone like you.

But deep down, you know that’s not true. Deep down, the part of you that dreamed still exists. It’s just waiting for you to remember. It’s waiting for you to stop running from it, to stop telling yourself that it’s too late.

And I know—it’s terrifying to begin again. It’s terrifying to look at that old dream and wonder if you still have what it takes to make it real. The fear of failure can be so loud, so overwhelming, that it’s easier to just keep moving, to keep pretending that you’re content with where you are.

But let me tell you something that took me far too long to learn: there is no shame in starting over. There is no shame in revisiting a dream that you once thought was lost. There is only courage—courage in acknowledging that just because you’ve travelled far down one path doesn’t mean you can’t choose a new one. Just because you let go once doesn’t mean you can’t reach for it again.

What if you gave yourself permission to try again? What if, instead of focusing on how far you’ve strayed from that dream, you focused on how much closer you are now than you were before? Because the truth is every detour, every heartbreak, every failure has taught you something. You are not the same person who once let go. You are stronger, wiser, more resilient.

You can begin again. You can rebuild from the ashes of what you thought was gone and create something even more beautiful. Dreams evolve, just like we do. What once seemed impossible might now be within your reach, not because the dream changed, but because you have.

And yes, it will be hard. Yes, there will be days when you want to give up, when the weight of trying again feels too heavy to bear. But imagine, just for a moment, what it would feel like to finally hold that dream in your hands. Imagine what it would feel like to know that you didn’t let fear, or time, or circumstance stop you from living the life you always wanted.

There’s a fire inside of you, even if it feels like a faint flicker right now. You can fan that flame, you can reignite the passion you thought had burned out. You owe it to yourself to try. You owe it to the version of you who first dreamed that dream to give it another chance.

I don’t know what your dream is. I don’t know how long you’ve been running from it, how far you’ve wandered from the path that once felt so right. But I do know this: it’s never too late. It’s never too late to turn around, to start over, to rebuild what was once lost.

So, here’s my question to you: What would happen if you stopped running? What would happen if you turned around and faced that dream head-on, with all the strength, wisdom, and experience you now carry with you? What if you gave yourself permission to begin again, to dream again?

Because the only thing standing between you and that dream isn’t time, or failure, or fear—it’s you.

I don’t know if I will ever see that lovely, kind Uber driver again. But if by some kind of miracle I happen upon him, I will without doubt tell him: “You can begin again. You deserve to begin again.”

This is part of a series focused on inspiring us to get back on the path and continue our journey to becoming our best selves. I will forever be grateful to those who were there for me at the lowest point in my life. Yes, even in a state of hopeless despair, we can still rise and flourish. Onward forever!

I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. About the weight you carry. About how you’ve learned to smile through the heaviness, how you’ve made it look so easy. But I can see what’s behind that smile, behind the quiet moments when no one is watching.

If there’s something I wish you could feel right now, it will be some kind of release, a permission. To be more precise - the permission to flourish.

I know you’ve been waiting. You’ve been waiting for the right time, the right sign, the right version of yourself that feels worthy of more. You’re waiting for someone, something, to look you in the eye and say, “It’s OK now. You can be everything you’ve always wanted to be.” But the sad truth is that no one else is going to say it to you. The world isn’t waiting with open arms to invite you to step into your greatness. If anything, the world will tell you to be careful, to be small, to be “realistic”.

But I want to tell you that you - just as you are, right here, right now - deserve to flourish. You deserve to take up space, to shine without holding back, without asking for anyone’s approval.

Think about how long you’ve been holding your breath. Holding back pieces of yourself because maybe you thought they were too much, or not enough. That dream you keep locked away, that voice inside you that whispers “there’s more.” But you hush it because who are you to want more? Who are you to think you deserve more?

Who are you not to?

No one else can give you the life you’re aching for. No one else can unlock the part of you that’s been trapped under years of playing it safe, of shrinking to fit the space you were given. Only you can. And maybe that’s the hardest part - to realize you’ve been waiting for permission you already have the power to give yourself.

I know it’s scary. Stepping into your own light is terrifying because it means letting go of all the ways you’ve stayed hidden, all the ways you’ve convinced yourself you’re not ready. It means letting go of familiar roles, situations and circumstances where you’ve felt safe. But let me ask you something - if not now, when? How long will you keep postponing your own life? How long will you stay in the background, watching everyone else live their stories, when your own is waiting, begging to be written?

I’m not talking about perfection. I’m talking about growth. About saying yes to the parts of you that are hungry for more - more joy, more love, more risk, more life. You are allowed to want more. You are allowed to dream bigger that you’ve been told is possible.

I know you’re perhaps tired from all the things you’ve been through - the pain, the rejections, the setbacks, the constant insecurity that comes from always questioning yourself. I know the world hasn’t always been kind to you. But inside you, there is a strength so fierce, so unstoppable, that even you cannot fully comprehend. You’ve survived. You’ve endured. And now, it’s time to live and thrive.

It’s time to trust yourself. To give yourself permission to take the leap, even if your hands are shaking. To believe that the life you’ve been imagining is not only possible, but that it’s yours for the taking. So take up space. Speak your truth. Let yourself be seen. Flourish! You owe that to yourself. Not to prove anything to anyone else, but to honor who you are.

If you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it.

Give yourself permission to flourish, because no one else can do it for you. And I promise you, once you do, you will wonder why you ever waited so long.

Sometimes, when the universe is hell-bent on teaching you a lesson (or reminding you of something important), you can’t avoid it no matter how hard you try. This was me a couple of days ago.

Just this past Saturday, I decided I wasn’t going to do anything. No work, no studies, no reading, no writing. And certainly no deep thinking. Except for my usual house chores and running around with the kids, I was just going to rest and lounge all day. After-all, it was freezing cold and nothing seemed more appealing than snuggling under my heavy blanket, snacking and watching football games and a couple of old movies. I even gave my video games the boot because I didn’t want to spend a brain cell doing any kind of active thinking.

The day started well; my team won and the remaining games of the day were absolutely entertaining. But in the middle of choosing a film to watch, I got a call from an old friend. We haven’t spoken in a very long time, so it came a little bit as a surprise (plus, I felt a little ashamed that I hadn’t stayed in touch). It turned out to be a very pleasant and heart-warming call. In the long time we spoke on the phone, we caught up on more than a decade of life events and happy personal associations. She talked about her work, travels, family. I talked about my wife, kids, studies, projects. We reminisced about our university days, mutual friends and interests, far-gone days of young love, hilarious stories from school reunions which we never attended, and all the things we wanted to do when we grew up. It was amazing.

Then she mentioned she was getting married in April.

I was overjoyed; genuinely happy for her. I listened in earnest as she told me about how she first met the lucky guy at an executive programme at Yale School of Management. They quickly became friends and eventually started seeing each other. Few months later, she moved back to Lagos for family reasons, but they kept the relationship alive through seemingly never-ending video calls. He would occasionally fly down to visit and they would both make the most of their time together. From time to time, they would hit a rough patch, no thanks to the strain that comes with long-distance relationships. When Covid hit, things took a really bad turn. For the next two and a half years, they broke up and made up three times. They would argue and fight, but somehow they never gave up on each other. They were two beautiful souls who through the purifying pain of their struggles saw the undying love they had for each other, and a collective future that is bright.

As she told her story, I could hear all the emotions in her voice. She said that everything that happened in her relationship during those Covid years gave her the clarity and conviction she needed to do what she knew deep down in her heart to be the right thing. In February 2023, she packed her bags and booked a one-way flight to Austin, Texas. As she put it, “sometimes you need to make your move and see what happens.” And what a move it was! It’s now been a year of wonderful things - courtship, a proposal, an engagement (in Yale where it all started) and an incoming wedding.

It was the main reason she called - to personally invite me to her wedding. And to rekindle our friendship. I extended my congratulations again and expressed my sincerest gratitude to her for reaching out. Before we hung up, we talked about my family and I visiting, she introducing me to her husband-to-be, both of them visiting us sometime soon. What a surprise the phone call was. It made me very happy.

I was still feeling happy when I went back to choosing a film to watch. I wanted something old, but couldn’t quite make up my mind on which one. There was The Godfather trilogy, Three Idiots, Life is Beautiful, Citizen Kane, Casablanca and many more wonderful vintage classics. But somehow, apropos of nothing, I settled for Scarface.

Scarface - what a movie! Made almost 40 years ago, yet I love it every time I watch it. If for some reason you haven’t seen the film, you will do well to add it to your bucket list. Anyways, I was enjoying every bit of the film when it got to a part that I couldn’t quite remember. Tony Montana and Sosa were walking in his garden, and Sosa made a point of showing Tony how he dealt with people disloyal to him (he had his men hang Omar - a police informant, aka snitch - from a helicopter with his body dangling mid-air). As unsettling as the scene might be, it was however the elegance, art and sublimity with which the ensuing dialogue was crafted that resonated with me:

“Hey Sosa. Let’s get this straight now. I never fucked anybody over in my life; didn’t have to, you got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don’t break ‘em for no one, do you understand? That piece of shit up there, I never liked him, I never trusted him. For all I know, he had me set up and had my friend Angel Fernandez killed. But that’s history. I’m here, he’s not. Do you wanna go out with me, you say it. If you don’t, then you make your move and see what happens.”

“Make your move and see what happens” - I’d heard that earlier in the day. That’s right, my friend used those exact words on the phone when she described how she went to fight for what’s hers. That realization gave me a bit of pause, but ultimately, I didn’t think much of it. I just carried on with watching the film.

The rest of the day almost went pretty much as planned - more movies, laundry, TV shows, treadmill, lounging, running around with the kids, laughing and chatting with my wife, Twitter, Instagram, dinner and more Instagram.

Instagram is a funny place, but sometimes you happen upon truly inspiring posts. This time, I chanced upon a clip of Viola Davis speaking truth in an interview. She explained that “the number one regret of the dying is that they didn’t take risks. They didn’t become their ideal self. I don’t want anyone to think that I wasn’t brave. And I think that sometimes people hold off braveness and courage because they don’t want to risk failure. And they don’t want to risk shame. And I think you got to risk it.”

In the post’s comment section, one user remarked about how that clip spoke to her. “You don’t know how much time you have”, the user continued, “but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do your best with what you have. Go after the life you want. Make your move and see what happens.”

“Make your move and see what happens” - it was 8:45pm and there I sat encountering this same, exact phrase for the third time in a single day.

That was when I began to have this sobering thought that maybe the universe was trying to remind of something important. Perhaps I’ve grown complacent and veered some double-digit degrees off the path. Perhaps God was trying to recalibrate the trajectory of my life. What could this mean? What is required of me now? It was just 13 days into the new year, and perhaps I’m being given an early opportunity to be brave, courageous and get back to the hard but rewarding path of taking bold risks and placing big bets.

I started the day promising to do nothing serious. But there I was, ending the day in deep reflection. For the next couple of hours, I pondered, contemplated, mused, agonized, and deliberated with myself in the darkness of the night. Although the universe had to smack me around three good times, I think I eventually came through. I made some big decisions, wrote them down and went to sleep.

Listen, my friend. I don’t know when the universe has scheduled your own smacking around. What I do know is that you don’t have to wait for that day to come. Perhaps there’s benefit to taking a long pause to examine the details of your own life, and committing to making your move.

That great idea you’ve been planning to work on? Make your move.

That pay raise you know you deserve? Make your move.

The slimmer, fitter, healthier body you’ve always wanted? Make your move.

Those certifications, that career change? Make your move.

That side hustle, that better paying job, that podcast, that blog, that project? Make your move.

That relationship you’ve always wanted to repair; the long overdue phone calls you know you need to make; that bad habit you need to shed? Make your move.

That trip back home to visit your aging parents? Make your move.

That desire to put yourself out there more, take more risks and live your authentic life? Make your move.

That lingering decision to remove yourself from people, unhealthy situations and relationships holding you back? Make your move.

Maybe you’ve realized you need to do more to become a more loving spouse, a more present parent, a better friend. Well, make your move today. Not tomorrow. Today! Give yourself the permission to surprise yourself even if there’s a chance you might fail.

Is this a groundbreaking idea? Hardly! Not even by any stretch of the imagination. But we both know that making your move today and consistently following through will have an impact on your life, one of seismic proportions. So take this for what it is - a reminder to go for it; a reminder to make your move and see what happens.

(Important note: Yes, I got my friend’s permission to include parts of our phone conversation. No, we never dated.)

People are what makes any community amazing. And that’s why I want to thank you from my heart of hearts. Even though I didn’t publish much this year, you still kept your faith in me and supported me throughout. I am so grateful for the time you spent reading my posts, liking, commenting and sharing with friends and family. To those of you that reached out to me with beautiful stories of how my writings have positively impacted you, I want you to know how humbled and honoured I am to have made a small difference in your lives.

I didn’t want this year to end without me reaching out to say how much you mean to me. As you spend these days celebrating with family and friends, may you experience utmost joy and happiness.

I too will be having a wonderful time with my lovely family. I will also be reflecting on everything I’ve learnt this year, as well as refining my 2024 plans for this amazing community. I want to stay more connected to you, and produce even more thoughtful and meaningful writing. I want us to grow together, become happier and better people, learn more, experience more, live with more intention and purpose.

I want us to do more.

As the curtain draws on 2023 and the first lights of 2024 peep in the not-so-distant horizon, I say to you: In the name of everything beautiful, thank you and merry Christmas.

Love & Light,

Chivuzo

In the heart of Kherbbal, where the dust of history settles on every cobblestone, there lived a man named Rahim. His eyes carried the weight of decades, witnessing the rise and fall of empires, the echoes of laughter, and the silent screams of war. In the narrow alleys, beneath the shadows of time-stained walls, Rahim's story unfolded like the pages of an ancient manuscript.

Rahim was a storyteller, a weaver of dreams in a city haunted by nightmares. His tales were not just words; they were whispers of hope in the midst of chaos. One evening, as the sun cast its golden glow upon the worn rooftops, Rahim gathered the children of the neighborhood beneath the ancient pomegranate tree.

"Listen, my little children," he began, his voice a melodic river that carried the sorrows of a thousand sunsets. "In the heart of every storm, there lies a garden of resilience. Life, my darlings, is a tapestry of joy and pain, stitched together by the hands of destiny."

He spoke of a boy named Amir, who chased kites and birds in the alleys, and a girl named Merha, whose eyes held the reflection of a thousand shattered dreams. Their stories intertwined, forming a mosaic of love and redemption against the backdrop of a war-torn city.

He spoke of other things too.

As Rahim wove the threads of his narrative, the children became the custodians of his words. Their laughter echoed through the crumbling streets, painting a mural of hope on the city's scarred canvas. The pomegranate tree, once a mere spectator to human suffering, now stood as a silent witness to the resilience of the human spirit.

Years passed, and Rahim's stories continued to resonate in the hearts of the children, now grown into architects of change. They transformed the rubble into gardens, the echoes of war into symphonies of peace. In the tapestry of their lives, Rahim's words became a guiding thread, stitching together the fragments of a broken city.

One day, as Rahim sat beneath the aging pomegranate tree, a young woman approached, her eyes reflecting the wisdom of someone who had danced with both joy and sorrow.

"Your stories," she whispered, "were the compass that guided us through the darkest nights. You gave us the strength to believe that, in every tragedy, there is a seed of triumph."

Rahim smiled, his eyes glistening like stars in a velvet sky. "My child, life's purpose is not found in the grandeur of accomplishments, but in the simple act of planting seeds of hope. In the garden of your choices, may you cultivate flowers that defy the harsh winds of despair."

And so, beneath the timeless gaze of the pomegranate tree, the storyteller and the listener embraced the profound truth that, in the vast tapestry of existence, every thread, no matter how fragile, contributes to the beauty of the whole.

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Good parenting practices are as old as time. But of course, they remain new to someone who discovers them for the first time, and absolutely refreshing to those who have cause to be reminded of them. That was the case with me some days ago when I showed up at my daughter’s school for her Float Parade.

She wasn’t expecting me, and frankly speaking I wasn’t planning to be there. Neither was her mum. It was one of those days things got super busy at work for both of us. But as luck would have it (a combination of cancelled meetings and my boss being the most amazing person as always), I found myself in the great colourful hallways of this magnificent institution of learning where mini geniuses are being engaged in philosophical discourse, numerical conformations, poetry and various forms of academic enlightenment. Haha, scratch that. The great colourful hallways of kindergarten school where the scholars get to compare notes on the latest parent-manipulation tactics and most effective techniques of getting mum and dad to spend on toys.

Other parents, teachers and some grade-school students have gathered waiting for the parade to start. The lively chatter, cheerful laughter, occasional giggles, muffled last-minute instructions from the teachers to the parade participants all conspired with the uplifting music wafting through the overhead speakers to create this incredible feeling of happiness and excitement. There were brightly-coloured balloons, sparkling confetti, painted cardboards and lovely decorative items everywhere. The air even smelled beautiful like sweet strawberries. I smiled and nodded at some of the parents around me who were there beaming with pride. When they smiled and nodded back, I felt that kindred spirit of people collectively bonded by the personal sacrifices made every day to give the best they could to their kids.

Then it was showtime. Beautiful chaos.

The door at the other end of the hallway swung open and out bounced the cutest humans – bundles of joy completely dressed in costumes and handmade paper masks, all either carrying or pulling the floats they built at home. They were led by their teacher, a wonderful, kind-hearted, middle-aged lady whom I’ve never seen not smiling. As they clapped and burst into a song accompanied by the triumphant soundtrack from the overhead speakers, the hallway erupted in thunderous claps, whistles and shouts of joy and encouragement. We were all proud parents, siblings, friends, school mates cheering on the kids as they marched down the hallway with their floats like Roman soldiers returning home from a victorious battle.

You could tell that the original plan was for the kids to move down the hall in a single file, but who cares! Fist-bumps here, high-fives there! Some kids tumbling over the floats in front of them, some others breaking rank to go hug mum and dad. They were all over the place like corks flying off vigorously shaken champagne bottles. And oh my, were those floats beautiful! It seemed each kid had built a float that perfectly matched their personality. There were nerdy floats, big floats, small floats, colorful floats, playful floats, all sorts of floats, each unique and beautiful in its own way.

The parade continued to march down the hallway with pomp and ceremony. We continued to clap, dance and shout out words of appreciation and encouragement.

I caught a glimpse of my daughter before the parade got to my end of the hallway. To any other onlooker, she was as happy and excited as every one of those darling munchkins. But I know my little girl. There was a certain reluctance to her bounce, an almost imperceptible hesitation to allow herself to participate fully in the proceedings of the day. It was almost like she was keeping up appearances because she felt she had to. You wouldn’t know if you looked at her, but I could feel it. I could sense it, and I knew exactly what I had to do.

The way she froze on her tracks, peeled the mask off her face, and squinted in my direction with mouth wide open could only mean one thing – she has seen me. I had taken a couple of steps from where I stood to shamelessly plant myself right where nobody coming down the hallway can possibly miss me. What happened next was exactly as you would have imagined – she tore away from the marching parade and ran towards me as fast as she could. It didn’t matter that the teacher was calling after her, or that the float was tumbling about in her wake. It didn’t matter that she was screaming “Daddy!” as she somehow managed not to lose her balance and topple over. And it certainly didn’t matter that I was down on both knees, heart thumping, arms spread out wide waiting to envelope her in the biggest, warmest, daddy-est embrace. Seconds later, she slammed into me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I could feel the quickness of her breath, her beating heart against my chest. She then held my face in her palms, and said to me in between soul-touching smiles and the honest enthusiasm of a five-year-old “Daddy, I knew you would come. I knew you would come.”

There are many times I’ve wished I could pause life, freeze a moment in time and re-live it in slow motion. This was one of those times. I know I can’t turn back the hands of time, but I also know that indescribable moment will remain permanently etched in my memory and I will go back to it time and again. And it’s simply because it’s now become my new calibration for true joy and genuine happiness.

When I stood up and she rejoined the parade that was just a few steps away, I realized how overwhelmed I was with emotions. I continued to clap for her and the other kids, but I was fighting back tears. I could feel the lump in my throat and the tightness in my stomach. I was shaking in my clothes and was afraid I would let myself go. It didn’t help that some of the parents gave me these encouraging smiles and nods. Neither did it help that this dad behind me placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it this supportive squeeze. The tears burned in my eyes, and I tried my very best to blink them back. I thought about how happy she was to see me, how she continued to look back at me with smiling eyes as the parade marched on. I thought about how sad she would have been if I hadn’t shown up, and how she would have probably tried not to make a big deal of it when she came back home. I thought about how it would have weighed on her to see other parents except hers be there to cheer on their kids. I also reflected on how unbothered I was about not making sincere efforts to attend the parade. I had put my job before my kid, and that broke me. “How bad can it be if I cry and let it all out?”, I asked myself. Yeah, it will be a tad embarrassing, but what does it matter? Well, for starters, I’ll freak out all the kids there, turn the attention to myself, ruin the parade for the kids, probably end up on someone’s TikTok and become a meme on Facebook… “the Weeping Dad”. I quickly wiped my eyes and prayed that no one noticed.

I’m still new in this fatherhood business, and sometimes these things hit me like a ton of bricks. This time, it was the realization yet again that being present in the lives of our kids matters much more that we may know. That showing up for our kids, even in the simplest and most ordinary of ways, can have this over-sized impact that sometimes manifests itself in the moment but definitely shapes who they eventually become later in life. Regardless of how old our kids are, those seemingly little things and moments matter; they are important. While I’m grateful for the opportunity to remind myself of this important truth, I couldn’t help but wonder about the times I may have failed to show up for my kids and to be the father they needed.

I have little or no recollection of what my parents said to me when I was growing up. But I have this vivid memory of them always being present. I look back now as an adult and I realize how incredibly demanding it must have been for them to combine their work, life, passion and still always be there for me and my siblings. Times were hard then, but they made it work. Now I’m able to appreciate the sacrifices they made, and I feel I’ll never be able to completely repay them for their love and selflessness. It also hasn’t stopped. They continue to show up for me, my siblings, and their grand-kids in a million little ways.

Eventually the parade came to an end. The music had quietened down and everywhere you looked there were parents huddling, chatting, laughing, smiling, taking pictures and hugging their kids for the job well done. Some of the grade-school students milled around probably happy they didn’t have to be in yet another class. Some of the teachers were handing out fliers for some upcoming school activity. The atmosphere was still buzzing and colourful, and the air still smelled like sweet strawberries. But I now looked upon everything happening around me from a different perspective. It was like I swapped the lens with which I interpreted the world with something different…a good kind of different.

My daughter came and held my hands. She wanted to give me a quick tour of her classroom and introduce me to some of her classmates. I obliged but not before taking some pictures with her. The classroom was a thoughtfully designed and meticulously arranged space. I saw where they hung their backpacks, where they put away their shoes, binders and craft materials. I liked the space, and I took a few pictures. One of the mothers who was volunteering walked up to me and offered me a cookie. It’s the most reflectively and perhaps solemnly I’ve ever nibbled on a cookie, or anything for that matter. As I stood at the corner watching the kids play with so much glee and joyful abandon, all I could think about was this – you have to always show up for your kids, for your family, for your friends, for the people you love. You have to always show up for you.

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During this mental health awareness month, remind yourself of some very important things - you're strong, loved, sufficient, and you can achieve whatever you set your mind on.

With everything happening in the world, it is easy to let the weight of it all come down heavy on your shoulders. But by practicing self-care and taking care of your mental health, you will pull through whatever is going on in your life at this moment.

Start today with this short meditation, and come back to it as often as you need to.

When I posted the first episode of High Fives, I didn’t expect to be the recipient of so many kind words. Thank you to everyone who read  and shared the post. But more importantly, thank you to everyone who decided to give the ideas a try. I’ve received quite a number of messages on how the ideas have made you feel wholesome again, helped you reconnect with old friends, challenged you to prioritize your health, made you more productive and even helped you see the world a bit differently as you became more grateful.

I feel so undeserving of the kind messages I’ve received in the past few days. But I also feel so fulfilled knowing that you find actual value in living out the ideas in your own personal lives.

I too challenged myself to implement those ideas and that made me feel like I made some progress in my journey to becoming a better person. I plan to consolidate on that little progress by repeating those ideas in the coming weeks.

If you missed out on episode 1 of High Fives, you can find it here. I talked about why I started the series in the first place, and also shared some details on ideas you can try out as part of your journey to becoming better. Below is a quick summary:

1. Send a kind note to two different people each day.

2. Spend two minutes each day counting your blessing. Practice mindful gratitude for all the wonderful things in your life.

3. Understand that pain can change us. Choose how you respond to painful situations in your life.

4. Take the first two steps needed to kickstart that passion project you’ve been meaning to work on for some time.

5. Sleep 8.5 hours every day.

Did you try out any of the ideas? If yes, then awesome. If not, you can always choose to give them a try whenever you’re ready. Don’t feel pressured; trying out the ideas at your own time and pace is equally great.

For this week, here are some ideas that I found very exciting:

Idea 1: Mirror Affirmations

Every morning, we encourage our kids to say their daily affirmations. My daughter’s favourite is “I’m big, I’m bold, I’m beautiful. I’m smart, I’m strong and I can be whatever I want to be. So help me God.” The effects of these affirmations on her self-belief and confidence are incredible.

Daily affirmations aren’t only for kids. Try them out every single day of this week and watch how speaking to yourself in a positive way actually changes you for the better. As you brush your teeth every morning, take a moment, look at yourself in the mirror and convincingly repeat your affirmations.

“I don’t need to be perfect. But I’m going to be excellent.”

“Today, I’m going to be the best at what I do.”

Idea 2: Do something uncomfortable

Yes, get yourself out of your comfort zone where nothing grows. Commit to doing those things that are uncomfortable today but will dramatically improve your life in the future. Every single day, we are presented with numerous opportunities to sacrifice instant gratification and pursue long-term happiness. The question is whether we will take advantage of those opportunities.

Idea 3: Celebrate yourself…

… even if you think you haven’t accomplished anything “significant” during the day. I can tell you that you’re doing much better than you think. You’re a much better parent than you were yesterday. A much better partner, friend, professional, son, daughter, sibling, etc. than you’ve been in the past. So yes, celebrate it! With both feet on the ground, talk yourself up. Cheer for yourself more than you cheer for your favourite sports team because, more than anything else, this is about loving and caring for yourself.

Idea 4: Audit your life

We become better by examining our daily life, identifying opportunities for improvement, and then consistently and diligently working on those opportunities. So pick a day this week, find a quiet place and figure out where you stand in various areas of your life – career, relationships, health, finances, personal development, home/family life, spiritual life, self-care, etc. Are there big things that need urgent intervention? What changes would make the biggest impact in your life?

Idea 5: Become a better speaker

Some of us are better public speakers than the rest of us. But that shouldn’t matter. What’s important is that we make the effort everyday to improve at public speaking. So here is an idea you can try this week: pick any topic you like and film yourself speaking about it for 3 mins, alone in your room (tip: memorize your introduction and conclusion). Review the video afterwards. You will immediately see areas that need improvement – maybe the “ehmmms”, the “uhhhs”, the awkward hand gestures or the timid body language. Or maybe the sentences are not coming together nicely, resulting in your core message not being properly and clearly articulated. Whatever it is, don’t be discouraged. Keep at it and practice as often as you can. Over time, you will become much better at it. Speaking well is a great skill we all need to have.

There you go! Five ideas that you can try to focus on this week as you journey towards becoming a better person. If you found this useful, consider subscribing to the newsletter. This way, you get High Fives delivered straight to your inbox every week.

Before we go, here’s a quote from Theodore Roosevelt that always inspires me:

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.”

There are no shortcuts to anything worthwhile. But with consistent and deliberate effort, we can become better quicker (for sure, bettering oneself is a process that never ends - we can always be better).

Something that I’m being deliberate about is identifying and focusing on a few things that I’ll like to improve on during the week. These things - ideas - come from various places including my personal reflections, quiet times, books from my favourite authors, random thoughts during shower, conversations with people, serendipitous thoughts that hit me when taking a walk, social media posts that I chanced upon, etc. They also tend to cover the various aspects on one’s life - physical, psychological, intellectual, emotional, spiritual and financial. Sometimes these ideas are so specific that I try to implement them right way. Other times they are more like fodder that my mind chews on during the day.

In all honesty, I don’t always succeed in following through on these ideas each week. But I try, and that’s the most important thing - that sincere and deliberate effort to follow through on them. I’ve found that the more I try, the more I want to try and the more I feel myself changing in all the right ways.

I’ve decided to share these ideas every week. I figured that if they are helpful to me, perhaps someone out there may also find them useful. Go on, give them a try. Who knows, they may also help you become a much better person. And in the spirit of sharing, if you think your family, friends, colleagues and others in your social and professional circle might find them useful, why not send them a link?

Idea 1: Two kind notes a day

Every day this week, make out time to send a kind note to two people in your life. They could be a colleague, sibling, parent, partner, friend or acquaintance. Nothing lengthy, just something to let them know you’re thinking about them. It could be a compliment, a word of encouragement or anything you think will make them smile. We all need to be kind to ourselves and one another. If it helps, set an alarm so you will remember to send out the notes everyday.

Idea 2: Two minutes of gratitude

At the end of each day, reflectively count your blessings. At a fixed time and in a quiet place, spend two minutes being grateful for all the wonderful things that have happened in your life. Be genuinely thankful for your life, your family, your work, your good health, the opportunities that have come your way, and everything else. And if it helps, set an alarm so you don’t miss this daily opportunity to be mindful and grateful.

Idea 3: When pain comes knocking

I believe we should make our lives as comfortable as we can. As a matter of fact, we have to. But pain is inevitable. Part of being human is understanding that at some points in our life we will experience pain, big and small. How we deal with those moments is everything. Pain has the power to change us in very significant ways. And therefore, how we respond to pain to a large extent determines how and in what direction we change.

Idea 4: My first two baby steps

What’s that passion of yours you’ve been meaning to work on for some time? That number 1 item on your New Year resolutions list…yes that one. This is a good time to take those first two baby steps – simple, small-sized tasks related to your passion that you can complete in a couple of days. Whether it’s registering that domain name, signing up for an e-commerce account, writing that first blog post, making that TikTok or Instagram video, having that discussion with a potential business partner or choosing a name for your newsletter – commit to taking those first two baby steps this week.

Idea 5: The sleep challenge

I’m going to try sleeping for 8.5 hours every day of this week. I invite you to join me on this challenge. You already know that getting a good night’s rest is important for your health, and key to concentration and productivity. So, get in on this challenge let’s do it together.

There you go! Five ideas that you can try to focus on this week as you journey towards becoming a better person. If you found this useful, consider subscribing to the newsletter. This way, you get High Fives delivered straight to your inbox every week.

One last thing - here’s a quote that has helped me. Take a moment and reflect quietly on it:

“Give yourself the permission to say ‘this isn’t serving me’ and walk away in peace.”

I didn’t expect 2020 to turn out the way it did – nobody did. But as we wind down the year, I’m choosing to focus on the positives, on the things I learnt. I probably haven’t been this grateful in my life. I probably haven’t appreciated the things I have more than I do now. I’m so grateful to still have the gift of life, the love of my family, the warmth of a beautiful home and the ability to still do the things I love. Now more than ever, my heart goes out to those who have lost loved ones, those who are going through so much difficulty and pain, those who are finding it difficult to be happy. I pray that joy may return to their lives, that they may heal, and that the good Lord will bless them beyond their wildest imaginations.

This year, I’m grateful for the opportunity to pause and take a look at my life. I see a lot of things I’m happy about, but also a lot of things that need to change if I want to be a better man. I may not be able to fix everything, but I’m willing to start that process of self-improvement.

This year, I got to know my family a lot better. There are lot of things that the fast-paced nature of our busy lives does not allow us to see. I’m grateful for the fact that we had to slow down, stay indoors, spend more time with loved ones, and reconnect in deeper and more meaningful ways. Yes, there were tensions that revealed overlooked cracks in our relationships, but we got to fix them. We learnt more about ourselves, our needs, our aspirations and found ways to strengthen the bond between us. I count myself lucky because I know that there are people who will finish this year even more broken. I feel sad thinking about it, and I sincerely pray that they become wholesome again. That the fractured relationship they have with their loved ones be repaired.

This year (and probably for the rest of my life) I’m grateful for the front-line workers who continue to sacrifice everything to keep us safe. I’m not sure I have the words to fully express the depth of my gratitude. My prayer is that heaven rewards them in a million different ways.

As we head into the new year, my heart is full of hope; hope that soon we will put the difficulties and pain caused by the pandemic far behind us. Happier days are ahead. We just need to believe.

Finally, if you’re reading this, I urge you to remain kind to yourself and everyone you meet. Kindness is what we need to heal from all the things we’ve been through.

Stay blessed.

Every day is a good day to be grateful. So today, I really want to take some time to express my gratitude for everything that has happened, is happening and will happen in my life. I understand this is a very broad statement, and you might be tempted to ask me if I will still remain grateful for the unpleasant things that might happen in my life in the future. Yes, I believe that everything in my life happens for a reason, which ultimately is to help me become a better, stronger, happier and more fulfilled person. Unpleasant things will always remain unpleasant, but they too can be channeled positively.

I’m grateful for the life that I’ve had so far. I feel like I won the lottery in life. I’m still concerned about a lot of things, but I consider myself so lucky because I don’t get to lose sleep over anything.

I have a beautiful woman that I get to share my life with. I couldn’t have asked for more! She motivates me, supports me, encourages me, puts up with my many shortcomings, and most importantly helps me become a much better person. She sacrifices herself so much, that I don’t get to think about so many things. In our home, things just magically work because of her. I never take her for granted, and I’m so lucky to call her my wife. I am so grateful for that.

I’m grateful for my adorable daughter. She’s a very adventurous toddler that wants to try out so many things; she gives me lots of opportunities to chase her around, and stay fit in the process. She’s also super-smart. It gives me a lot of joy to watch her learn new things. Every opportunity I get to teach her things or read to her feels like a blessing.

Recently, I had reason to frequent the hospital. It is perplexing to wonder how a place can simultaneously and alternatively be a source of joy to some and a source of sorrow for others. People are born there, and people die there. People are carried in there sick, and people walk in there healthy. In there, some people laugh with a lot of joy and happiness in their hearts, while others cry uncontrollably, their hearts heavy and saddened with the loss of a loved one. I am grateful that my most recent visits have been positive. I walked in there healthy. I witnessed the birth of my son, an experience that filled my heart with a lot of joy and happiness. It’s been a few weeks now, but I remain very grateful for the gift of my son. Even though all he does is eat, sleep, cry and poop, his very presence in our lives is so amazing. We are convinced that he, just like his sister, will be great.

I am so grateful for the gift of life, and for good health of mind and body.

I am grateful that I get to do the job that I love. I learn new things every day, get to challenge some of my deep-seated assumptions, broaden my horizon and constantly push myself out of my comfort zone. I’m grateful to be working with very smart, inspiring and genuinely good people who make everything so much fun.

I am grateful for my friends. Very few things are as refreshing as genuine, authentic friendships where people want the best for one another.

I am grateful for my parents (3 of them still with us, and one of them smiling down at us from heaven). Words cannot describe all the great things they’ve done for me, all the sacrifices they’ve made for me, and how much of an example their lives have been and will continue to be.

I’m grateful for my siblings. Even though sometimes I feel like knocking their heads together, and many times I give them very good reasons to roast and bury me alive, they are still the kindest and loveliest people I know. I love how we can still joke around, laugh, and help one another with things, important or not.

I’m grateful for the rest of my family (grandparents, siblings-in-law, nieces, nephews, cousins, uncles, aunties, god-children, etc.).

I have met a lot of people in my life, many of whom I remember neither their names nor their faces, and some of whom I’ve lost touch with. In all honesty, I have no recollection of any unpleasant interaction with any of them. For that and many other things that I may not remember now, I am very grateful.

I don’t get to say this often, but I am grateful for those people out there that build amazing things that change my life almost on a daily basis. I’ve read books, used software, bought devices, watched movies and documentaries, encountered cultural artifacts and listened to people that have changed my outlook on life and blown my mind away.

I could go on forever, but I will end the way I started: I am genuinely grateful for everything that has happened, is happening and will happen in my life.

What are you grateful for in your life?

Suppose there’s a mirror that lets us see our true self. Not our bodily features, but our character, sentiments, inner dispositions, deep seated beliefs and most intimate desires.

Suppose you look into such a mirror, what would you see?

The most selfish of them all? – You’re too selfish to build any real, valuable friendship. You only get in touch with people when you need something. You instrumentalize relationships, changing and dumping people like diapers, after you’ve used them to serve your narrow-minded, narcissistic needs. You make no effort to offer anything of real value like being there for people at their low moments. You’re not volunteering anywhere because you always want to be the one receiving and not giving. You probably think about yourself only, and don’t care about committing some of your time and resources to projects and causes that will have real impact on the lives of real people around you.

The fakest of them all? – You represent yourself as what you’re not, spending money you don’t have and putting up a false pretentious façade on social media to impress people who don’t care about you. Your LinkedIn profile is exaggerated 10x and laced with manufactured qualifications and bogus accomplishments. Your Instagram page and WhatsApp status are documentary evidence of your wannabe celebrity lifestyle, a poor attempt at frivolous living. We can make a fortune buying you for what you’re really worth and selling you for what you think you’re worth. You’re afraid to take an informed stand and voice out your beliefs and convictions because you’re so concerned about what people will say. You’re always playing to the gallery. You make silly excuses for your bad behaviour, immaturity and lack of self-discipline, all in the name of self-empowerment, assertiveness and freedom to be yourself and do what you want. Those childish shenanigans only fool people like you. Tough words? Yes, because sugar-coating them does you no good.

The most wimpish of them all? – You don’t make any effort to form your conscience, to internalize values that will help you live a focused and upright life. Instead you feast on unimportant trivialities and consume all sorts of intellectual junk that thwart your worldview and screw up your priorities. You allow yourself to be blown in every direction by any kind of wind that comes along. You lack character.

The laziest of them all? – You’re busy doing nothing meaningful, postponing important things for later. You complain about not having any time to learn, but spend an incredible number of hours Netflix-ing and chilling your brain to obsolescence. You probably can’t even remember the last time you read anything serious. No studying. No certifications. Your career is in a rut because you’re not willing to do the hard work it takes to move forward professionally. Your relationship is losing steam because you’ve stopped doing the sweet little things you used to do when you first met your spouse/partner.

You’re perhaps your own worst enemy.

Or perhaps you are the fairest of them all. I really don’t know. Only you can answer that question when you look into that mirror.

Each of us has this mirror hanging on the walls of our conscience. Make sure you examine the reflection of yourself in this mirror as often as possible. As you do so, may you find the willpower to do all it takes to ensure that this reflection of you is beautiful.

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When my daughter called me daddy for the first time, I felt this indescribable joy. As I went down on my knees and lifted her into the air, I was overwhelmed with happiness. Looking at her beautiful face and hearing her melodious bursts of laughter, I knew that was a moment I want to always remember. When things become difficult or when I'm faced with tough challenges, I will always go back to that moment, and without fail, my spirit will be lifted and the smile will return to my face. This is one of my happy places. I cherish it, I guard it, and I carry it with me always.

But long before she called me daddy, I had made up my mind on the kind of father I wanted to be. With the support of my amazing wife, I do whatever it takes to be present, to be loving, to be caring. To give her a childhood she will remember. To set her on the right path to being her own person, a woman of substance and character. I invest my energy in her physical, emotional, intellectual growth and development. From the moment I wake up, I do my very best to be the worthy first man in her life. This is my first job; this is the most important job in my life. Even though I'm not half as good as my wife in this job of being a parent, I feel lucky and blessed to be called a father, to have this opportunity to raise a wonderful girl. I feel absolutely rewarded by my daughter's incredible development. Every little accomplishment, every major milestone always motivates me to keep putting in my best.

They all motivate me to keep going.

These days I feel like I know a thing or two about motivation. As James Clear puts it "motivation is a powerful yet tricky beast. Sometimes it is really easy to get motivated, and you find yourself wrapped up in a whirlwind of excitement. Other times, it is nearly impossible to figure out how to motivate yourself, and you're trapped in a death spiral of procrastination." To be the father I want to be, I cannot rely solely on motivation, for fatherhood is a long, hard road that requires more than a few short-lived sparks of excitement. To be successful at the most important job of my life, I have to find a way to navigate those moments when I feel uninspired, tired and lazy. So today my friend, I want to share this with you: you will never always be motivated, so you must learn to be disciplined. It doesn't matter if it's in your professional, family, social or spiritual life, discipline is that bridge that connects where you are now and where you want to be tomorrow. A disciplined you will rise again after each fall. A disciplined you will remain on the battleground fighting for your dreams. Under the scorching sun or the pouring rain, in the biting cold or along the dusty, narrow, jagged mountain trail, a disciplined you will continue to walk towards your goals one step at a time, no matter how painful or long the journey.

We all have dreams and aspirations. And we all have shortcomings. Many times ours shortcomings will stand in the way of our success. Discipline offers us the opportunity to push through these obstacles and continue our onward march towards our goals. We might be temporarily slowed down, we might be momentarily distracted, but we will never stop until we realize our ambitions and live our dreams.

I love my daughter a lot and I want to be the best for her. I know I will never always be motivated to do the things I need to do, so I'm learning to be disciplined.

PS: That's a real picture of my daughter on her first birthday. I'm so blessed to see that smile everyday.

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I changed jobs three times in the first three years after graduation. To be honest, I was primarily driven by the money. Not that the money was much; it was just a tiny, little bit more than the last one. But it was enough to make me change employers. With frozen-out financial support from my parents (“Hey man, congratulations on graduating university! So happy you’re entering the workforce!”), every extra bit of money helped with my accommodation and personal upkeep. It wasn’t just me. Except for those that came from wealthy families and those that went straight to graduate school, a lot of my friends did pretty much the same thing, some of them swapping out as much as five employers in the first three years of our graduation.

It’s quite common for people to have their professional goals revolve around money. If you’re starting out in life, it’s important to have enough to take care of yourself, save and plan for the immediate future. Personal circumstances can also fuel that need to earn as much as possible in as little time as possible. Whatever the case, it will appear that most of us begin in what I believe is the first of the three phases of our professional pursuit, where almost all career decisions are based on how much we can make.

As we progress in our career or professional pursuits, we gain more knowledge and experience, we take up more senior positions, we become more confident in our abilities, we become more aware of the possibilities before us, and our goals evolve to the point where we desire the freedom to pursue self-actualization, to be the best we can ever become. In this second phase of our career, it becomes less of “I want to earn X dollars” and more of “I want to build this; I want to make a major contribution to this field of study; I want to be a recognized expert in something; I want to solve this huge problem in the society”, etc. To be clear, money will always be part of the equation. But it will no longer be the primary force driving our ambition and our career. In this phase, we tend to become a lot more focused on the impact we want our work to have on the world. We begin to seek out the freedom to focus our energies on the important tasks that will change the lives of real people.

Eventually, little by little, we will find ourselves thinking a lot more about what we want to leave behind, what we want to be remembered for long after we are gone. In this third stage, our goals will be more geared towards firmly establishing our life’s work.

I’ve always thought these three stages represent some kind of maturity curve for one’s professional pursuit. It is also a path personal fulfillment tends to follow. Lots of us get stuck at the first stage where all our professional goals are based on money alone. Unfortunately, we too easily forget to plan for and take steps towards the second and third stages. The good news is that we don’t have to be old to start thinking about our legacy. The vision might be hazy at first, but it will get clearer with time and effort. It’s perfectly OK to keep fine-tuning that picture.

If your professional goals are not progressing along this maturity curve, perhaps now is the time to ask yourself some important questions: what’s your life’s work going to be? What will you leave behind for the next generation? How will you be remembered? What will be your legacy?

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“I trust nobody” is a fallacy you hear people repeat ever so often. But when you board a plane, you’re trusting the pilots to safely fly you to your destination. When you eat at your favourite restaurant, you are trusting that the chefs did abide by every food safety regulation. When you drop off your child at the daycare, you’re trusting the care providers to keep your kid safe. And ofcourse, when you visit your doctor, you’re trusting he’d be right with the medication.

You might be thinking these are situations of passive trust, where you have no choice but to completely abandon yourself, your fate in the hands of someone else. That’s true. But just as these situations can sometimes be unavoidable, you need a certain degree of active trust to live your life to the fullest and enjoy what the world has to offer. Active trust is when you willing place your faith “in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something”.

When you trust, you make yourself vulnerable. You open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt (many times by the people you love). But that’s nothing compared to the beauty of life that you will definitely miss out on if you don’t allow yourself to trust.

In many ways, not trusting is perhaps the clearest sign that you’re unable to leave the past behind you; a sign that you are unable to forgive; a sign that you prefer to be shackled by the burdens of your past experiences. Yes, trusting again will demand that you don’t see the wrongdoings of someone that hurt you as a reflection of humankind, that you don’t project your own insecurities onto someone (or some people) with whom you could form a very beautiful relationship. It’s a big ask, but it’s the only way to allow yourself to live a beautiful life.

If you’ve been hurt and have given up on love, I have this to say to you: to love again is to trust again. When you love truly, it’s true that you open yourself up to pain and heartbreak, but you also open yourself up to the rich, colourful and magnificent world that only people in love get to enjoy. A world whose peace, brightness and adventure will always result in a satisfying experience that will more than compensate for whatever pain you’ve had to endure as a result of making yourself vulnerable.

To grow, we must learn to trust and embrace the vulnerability that comes with it.

Trusting is a risk. But it is a risk worth taking.

Are you finding it hard to trust someone who let you down? Start by taking some time to heal. Then trust yourself to find a way to love and believe again. Finally, forgive and jump back in, with the full awareness of your vulnerability, but with the faith that it will always be worth it at the end.

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