Of Life Lessons and Sobering Moments
"You must do the thing which you think you cannot do" - Eleanor Roosevelt
Sometimes, when the universe is hell-bent on teaching you a lesson (or reminding you of something important), you can’t avoid it no matter how hard you try. This was me a couple of days ago.
Just this past Saturday, I decided I wasn’t going to do anything. No work, no studies, no reading, no writing. And certainly no deep thinking. Except for my usual house chores and running around with the kids, I was just going to rest and lounge all day. After-all, it was freezing cold and nothing seemed more appealing than snuggling under my heavy blanket, snacking and watching football games and a couple of old movies. I even gave my video games the boot because I didn’t want to spend a brain cell doing any kind of active thinking.
The day started well; my team won and the remaining games of the day were absolutely entertaining. But in the middle of choosing a film to watch, I got a call from an old friend. We haven’t spoken in a very long time, so it came a little bit as a surprise (plus, I felt a little ashamed that I hadn’t stayed in touch). It turned out to be a very pleasant and heart-warming call. In the long time we spoke on the phone, we caught up on more than a decade of life events and happy personal associations. She talked about her work, travels, family. I talked about my wife, kids, studies, projects. We reminisced about our university days, mutual friends and interests, far-gone days of young love, hilarious stories from school reunions which we never attended, and all the things we wanted to do when we grew up. It was amazing.
Then she mentioned she was getting married in April.
I was overjoyed; genuinely happy for her. I listened in earnest as she told me about how she first met the lucky guy at an executive programme at Yale School of Management. They quickly became friends and eventually started seeing each other. Few months later, she moved back to Lagos for family reasons, but they kept the relationship alive through seemingly never-ending video calls. He would occasionally fly down to visit and they would both make the most of their time together. From time to time, they would hit a rough patch, no thanks to the strain that comes with long-distance relationships. When Covid hit, things took a really bad turn. For the next two and a half years, they broke up and made up three times. They would argue and fight, but somehow they never gave up on each other. They were two beautiful souls who through the purifying pain of their struggles saw the undying love they had for each other, and a collective future that is bright.
As she told her story, I could hear all the emotions in her voice. She said that everything that happened in her relationship during those Covid years gave her the clarity and conviction she needed to do what she knew deep down in her heart to be the right thing. In February 2023, she packed her bags and booked a one-way flight to Austin, Texas. As she put it, “sometimes you need to make your move and see what happens.” And what a move it was! It’s now been a year of wonderful things - courtship, a proposal, an engagement (in Yale where it all started) and an incoming wedding.
It was the main reason she called - to personally invite me to her wedding. And to rekindle our friendship. I extended my congratulations again and expressed my sincerest gratitude to her for reaching out. Before we hung up, we talked about my family and I visiting, she introducing me to her husband-to-be, both of them visiting us sometime soon. What a surprise the phone call was. It made me very happy.
I was still feeling happy when I went back to choosing a film to watch. I wanted something old, but couldn’t quite make up my mind on which one. There was The Godfather trilogy, Three Idiots, Life is Beautiful, Citizen Kane, Casablanca and many more wonderful vintage classics. But somehow, apropos of nothing, I settled for Scarface.
Scarface - what a movie! Made almost 40 years ago, yet I love it every time I watch it. If for some reason you haven’t seen the film, you will do well to add it to your bucket list. Anyways, I was enjoying every bit of the film when it got to a part that I couldn’t quite remember. Tony Montana and Sosa were walking in his garden, and Sosa made a point of showing Tony how he dealt with people disloyal to him (he had his men hang Omar - a police informant, aka snitch - from a helicopter with his body dangling mid-air). As unsettling as the scene might be, it was however the elegance, art and sublimity with which the ensuing dialogue was crafted that resonated with me:
“Hey Sosa. Let’s get this straight now. I never fucked anybody over in my life; didn’t have to, you got that? All I have in this world is my balls and my word, and I don’t break ‘em for no one, do you understand? That piece of shit up there, I never liked him, I never trusted him. For all I know, he had me set up and had my friend Angel Fernandez killed. But that’s history. I’m here, he’s not. Do you wanna go out with me, you say it. If you don’t, then you make your move and see what happens.”
“Make your move and see what happens” - I’d heard that earlier in the day. That’s right, my friend used those exact words on the phone when she described how she went to fight for what’s hers. That realization gave me a bit of pause, but ultimately, I didn’t think much of it. I just carried on with watching the film.
The rest of the day almost went pretty much as planned - more movies, laundry, TV shows, treadmill, lounging, running around with the kids, laughing and chatting with my wife, Twitter, Instagram, dinner and more Instagram.
Instagram is a funny place, but sometimes you happen upon truly inspiring posts. This time, I chanced upon a clip of Viola Davis speaking truth in an interview. She explained that “the number one regret of the dying is that they didn’t take risks. They didn’t become their ideal self. I don’t want anyone to think that I wasn’t brave. And I think that sometimes people hold off braveness and courage because they don’t want to risk failure. And they don’t want to risk shame. And I think you got to risk it.”
In the post’s comment section, one user remarked about how that clip spoke to her. “You don’t know how much time you have”, the user continued, “but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do your best with what you have. Go after the life you want. Make your move and see what happens.”
“Make your move and see what happens” - it was 8:45pm and there I sat encountering this same, exact phrase for the third time in a single day.
That was when I began to have this sobering thought that maybe the universe was trying to remind of something important. Perhaps I’ve grown complacent and veered some double-digit degrees off the path. Perhaps God was trying to recalibrate the trajectory of my life. What could this mean? What is required of me now? It was just 13 days into the new year, and perhaps I’m being given an early opportunity to be brave, courageous and get back to the hard but rewarding path of taking bold risks and placing big bets.
I started the day promising to do nothing serious. But there I was, ending the day in deep reflection. For the next couple of hours, I pondered, contemplated, mused, agonized, and deliberated with myself in the darkness of the night. Although the universe had to smack me around three good times, I think I eventually came through. I made some big decisions, wrote them down and went to sleep.
Listen, my friend. I don’t know when the universe has scheduled your own smacking around. What I do know is that you don’t have to wait for that day to come. Perhaps there’s benefit to taking a long pause to examine the details of your own life, and committing to making your move.
That great idea you’ve been planning to work on? Make your move.
That pay raise you know you deserve? Make your move.
The slimmer, fitter, healthier body you’ve always wanted? Make your move.
Those certifications, that career change? Make your move.
That side hustle, that better paying job, that podcast, that blog, that project? Make your move.
That relationship you’ve always wanted to repair; the long overdue phone calls you know you need to make; that bad habit you need to shed? Make your move.
That trip back home to visit your aging parents? Make your move.
That desire to put yourself out there more, take more risks and live your authentic life? Make your move.
That lingering decision to remove yourself from people, unhealthy situations and relationships holding you back? Make your move.
Maybe you’ve realized you need to do more to become a more loving spouse, a more present parent, a better friend. Well, make your move today. Not tomorrow. Today! Give yourself the permission to surprise yourself even if there’s a chance you might fail.
Is this a groundbreaking idea? Hardly! Not even by any stretch of the imagination. But we both know that making your move today and consistently following through will have an impact on your life, one of seismic proportions. So take this for what it is - a reminder to go for it; a reminder to make your move and see what happens.
(Important note: Yes, I got my friend’s permission to include parts of our phone conversation. No, we never dated.)